Parenting War: FWB - "Friends With Benefits"

http://deskofbrian.com/2009/11/parenting-war-fwb-friends-with-benefits/
Read State of the Nation on DeskofBrian.com: http://deskofbrian.com/2009/11/parenting-war-fwb-friends-with-benefits/

FWB = "Friends with Benefits"

Remember the age old question if "sex kills a friendship"? Well, a recent study ¹ revealed 60% of college students have been in a FWB relationship.

This isn't exactly "new" but rather, it's exploded and being condoned in the main stream. Dave, a co-worker, had confirmed the term I remember: "F*** Buddy"

A middle-aged woman at work refers to her "Boy Toy" on a regular basis, so it's not a private topic or gender specific.

In fact, CNN promoted "proper way to be" in FWB (Oct, 2008)²

The superficial nature of the language is so disturbing: "Maybe you're wildly attracted to a dude physically, but find him mentally or morally lacking -- like a tanning technician or a bounty hunter."

There's no denying in the age of Reality Shows and human exploitation that our society doesn't hold the relationship values of previous generations. But CNN suggests some helpful hints such as avoid pronouns like "us or we" as well as NEVER talk of "plans further into the future than an hour or two away" and defer meals to be passing and never a sit down affair (no pun intended).

CNN Guidelines: "Conversation: Questions any more probing than "what are you wearing?" and "when can we meet?" can get a little sticky. Your FWB doesn't want to hear about your crazy mom and you really don't want him to start yapping about his Ayn Rand fixation. Keep it light, keep it moving."

It's all about sex, so keep it superficial. There's no reflection on emotions, commitments, friendships or family -- it's all about the satisfaction of carnal instincts.

There are entire posts on "How I Met My F*** Buddy" (which sounds like the next sitcom on NBC), adds on Craigslist, an official FWB MySpace page,

An Independent Film by this name is circulating the Film Festivals promoting the storyline:

(two friends) "...proposes the "perfect" solution: Friends (read: no messy relationship stuff)...with benefits (read: insanely messy sex stuff). "Perfect," that is...if the two hadn't always been secretly in love with one another So what DOES happen when two close friends decide to secretly blur the lines dividing friendship and relationship...and the rest of their tight knit group of friends finds out? The answer: complications arise. A LOT of complications. In fact, to quote their therapist, "It's brought down empires; imagine what it can do to a group of friends"

Complications aside, this is everywhere.

In fact, this is so common that this eZine article³ outlines "RULES" which sound like "When Harry Met Sally" and Seinfeld: no cuddling, no sleeping over, no leaving things behind, no date nights or quality time.

This is our world. The world full of casual sex, hedonism, abuse, and disease. We must face these difficult topics to prepare ourselves, and hopefully, be better prepared to assist the next generation -- our children.









1. http://www.livescience.com/culture/090402-friends-with-benefits.html

2. http://www.cnn.com/2008/LIVING/personal/10/09/tf.friends.with.benefits/

3. http://ezinearticles.com/?10-Rules-For-Being-Friends-With-Benefits&id=2397126

Some Stories:

http://media.www.ecollegetimes.com/media/storage/paper991/news/2007/10/25/MainStories/Friends.With.Benefits-3057320.shtml

Some Psychology:

http://psychcentral.com/blog/archives/2008/11/03/friends-with-benefits/


Other Parenting Wars columns:

Sept: Sims 3, commercials, Free Comic Books

Oct: Astro Boy - Lenin & Russian Imagery, Socialism is Now COOL

"Astro Boy" Follow-UP: From the Disney Entertainment film review on "Astro Boy"

"What Parents Should Know
Parents need to know that this animated robot superhero adventure based on the 1960s anime series Astro Boy is age-appropriate for elementary-schoolers. It has fairly sophisticated themes (grief, loss, and war), as well as plenty of cartoon action violence -- including the death of a child, the destruction of several robots, explosions, and robots armed with heavy artillery. But language is limited to mild insults like "idiot," and there's no product placement to worry about. A war-obsessed military man is presented as a humorously negative character; on the opposite end of the political spectrum is a trio of revolutionary robots who call each other "comrade" and have a poster of Lenin in their meeting place."

Sex for Tickets, iPOD app ALL further the Degradation of Women

Susan Finkelstein, the woman arrested for soliciting World Series tickets for sex, is now denying the allegations. The devout Phillie fan originally posted on Craigslist that price was negotiable and that "I'm the creative type! Maybe we can help each other!" Read the complete story here and follow the links that reveal she "offered sex acts" to the undercover officer who responded to the ad.

Meanwhile this

FOX story

revealed the Apple iPOD app promoted by Pepsi to promote their energy drink. From the article: "...help men pick up any one of 24 types of women, such as the "sorority girl," "cougar," "rebound girl" or "punk rock girl." Users can choose the type of woman they have their eye on, then get coached on facts that might be useful, such as computing a carbon footprint to impress "the tree hugger." (see the pic I posted above & thanks to Rick for passing this along to me)

I noted that there were no comments from NOW or other feminists outraged over the depiction of women or the damage by Finkelstein to credible women.

Trafficking of women and girls for forced labor and sexual exploitation is a serious global problem and this doesn't help. The movie "Taken" deals with the horrible problem as Liam Neesom's daughters is abducted, drugged, and sold into an international prostitution ring.

This column is from 2006 and sites 2-4 MILLION are trafficked every year. That figures is from 2006.

So we have all witnessed the glorification of Paris Hilton, Pam Anderson, Kim Kardashian being idolized as role models as they also promote their own sex tapes.

Fighting one portion of the exploitation of women that leads to degradation and often, abuse, still leaves us with a mammoth problem. Until we unilaterally so no to ALL aspects of this behavior will we see improvement.

The Great Parenting War: US vs The World

Ever wander into the wrong public bathroom or at least think you have? I was shopping at Staples and raced into the restroom only to wander - did I see urinals when I came in?

That mini-panic attack is what happens in every parent's head when they are asked why the guy on "Survivor" is naked?

Our society has discarded any and all barriers to shield our youth from sex, violence and various forms of degradation. A friend in our Bible study class announced how the Sims 3 game shocked her with the simulated sex scene under the sheets.

"The Sims 3" is a virtual game rated "T" for teen but the company's criteria for this rating may not be the same for you and me. This is part of the description for this Sims game:

"These avatars often interact socially, which can sometimes lead to mild flirtation or more intimate encounters. Players can choose to “try for a baby” or “WooHoo” with another Sim – the later option being available to both heterosexual and same-sex couples. These two actions cause the selected avatars to jump into bed and go under the covers, where they wriggle, giggle, and moan until confetti bursts over the bed. Sims characters need to maintain their health and hygiene and do so by eating, exercising, bathing, and using the toilet, which is depicted by a blurred, pixilated effect and trickling sounds. Avatars can also vomit, emit flatulence, and wet themselves if no toilet is available or offered." (NOTE: Avatars are the characters)

Rated "T" for teen.

How many 11-year-olds are lobbying for a teen rated video game? This Teen game?



So, let's go back to my "Survivor" nightmare.

Like many football fans I assume I can safely watch the NFL on a Sunday afternoon, but those pesky ads turned my parental universe upside down. First was the aforementioned reality show nudity then it was the gratuitous CSI commercial promoting this week's violent murder mystery and, on this occasion when my daughter was watching, solving a rape case.

When you hear "Daddy, what is rape?" you'd wish you were trapped in a ladies' room stall.

I remember taking my boys to a comic book show and they received some free comics. In fact, this comic "Ultimate Wolverine vs Hulk" had a "Free Comic Book Day" sticker on it, so it was widely distributed.

After the show, I began to thumb through a few pages of this "Ultimate" comic from Marvel and I was shocked. Wolverine was lying in the snow, limbless from the waist down trying to remember how he ended up in this predicament. Oh yeah, the character flashes back to a battles with the Hulk who literally had ripped Wolverine in half, tossing him in two separate directions.

This was a FREE comic, given away to countless kids at comic shows and to celebrate "Free Comic Book Day" so I put it where it belonged -- in the trash. I later read on a blog that there is a scene in which the Hulk makes Wolverine choose which leg he would rather Hulk eat.

Long gone are the days of Archie and Veronica.

We need to be honest with ourselves: we cannot shelter our kids from everything. Parents need to be more vigilant and involved than ever. The internet is a wide open access port to the abyss of vile and filth that the world creates each and everyday.

Sims 3 sold 1.4 million copies in its first week. Commercials are incredibly dangerous and unregulated forms of exposure for unwanted questions and topics for kids.

It's out there and we have to be armed and ready to face these challenges.

Prepare yourself or you'll be wishing you were in the wrong bathroom stall trying to survive a panic attack.