From March 26, 2010 Bill Maher's show on HBO Bill Maher offers advice to President Obama: tell the populace to kiss his ass, made vulgar references to Tiger Woods and the John Edwards affair, comparing health care to violence sex acts. Maher says to tell the Republicans to "Go F*** themselves" as Obama "drags the ignorant hillbilly half into this century." One last Sarah Palin joke and Maher completes his update on how the left see politcs, Obama's "socialism" and the rest of America.
Here's a word President Obama should take out of his Teleprompter:
Bipartisanship. People only care about that in theory, not in practice.
The best thing that happened this year is when Obama finally realized
that and said: "Kiss my black ass, we're going it alone George W. Bush
style." [applause]
Now, two months ago, conservative Fred Barnes
wrote, "the health care bill is dead with not the slightest prospect of
resurrection." Well, if it's dead, you just got your ass kicked by a
zombie named Nancy Pelosi. Seriously, the last time a Democrat showed
balls like that John Edwards' girlfriend was filming it.
And yet, even before the Democrats got to take a single victory lap, they
were being warned not to get drunk with power. I disagree. All you
Democrats do a shot and then do another. Get drunk on this feeling of
not backing down and doing what you came to Washington to do. [applause]
Do not listen to the people who are now saying that nothing else big
should be attempted for a while because health care was so rough.
Wrong. Because I learned something watching the lying bullies of the
right lose this one. When they’re losing, they squeal like a pig. They
kept saying things like, the bill was being "shoved down our throats."
Or the Democrats were "ramming it through." The bill was so big they "couldn't take it all at once." [laughter]
And you know what? I realized listening to this rhetoric that it reminded me of something.
It reminded me of Tiger Woods' text messages to his mistress that were
made public last week, where he said, and I quote: "I want to treat you
rough, throw you around, spank and slap you and make you sore. I want
to hold you down and choke you while I f*** that ass that I own. Then
I'm going to tell you to shut the f*** up while I slap your face and
pull your hair for making noise." Unquote. [laughter]
And this, I believe, perfectly represents the attitude the Democrats should now
have in their dealings with the Republican Party. [applause]
Yes, it does. That's what they should be saying to the Republicans: "Shut
the f*** up while I slap your face for making noise! Now pass the
cap-and-trade law, you stupid b*tch, and repeat after me, ‘global
warming is real.’" [applause]
The Democrats need to push the rest of their agenda while their boot is on the neck of the greedy, poisonous old reptile. Who cares if cap-and-trade bill isn't popular,
neither was health care. Your poll numbers may have descended a bit,
but so did your testicles.
So don't stop. We need to regulate the banks, we need to overhaul immigration, we need to end corporate welfare including at the Pentagon, we need to bring troops home from
everywhere, we need to end the drug war, and we need to put terrorists
and other human rights violators on trial in civilian courts --
starting with Dick Cheney. [applause]
Democrats, in conclusion, Democrats in America were put on earth to do one thing: Drag the ignorant hillbilly half of this country into the next century, which in
their case is the 19th. And by passing health care, the Democrats saved
their brand.
A few months ago, Sarah Palin mockingly asked them: "How's that ‘hopey-changey’ thing working for you?" Great, actually, thanks for asking. And how's that whole ‘Hooked on Phonics’ thing working out for you? [laughter]
Bill Maher Quotes
The best thing that happened this year is when Obama finally realized
that and said: "Kiss my black ass, we're going it alone George W. Bush
style." [applause]
Now, two months ago, conservative Fred Barnes
wrote, "the health care bill is dead with not the slightest prospect of
resurrection." Well, if it's dead, you just got your ass kicked by a
zombie named Nancy Pelosi. Seriously, the last time a Democrat showed
balls like that John Edwards' girlfriend was filming it.
And yet, even before the Democrats got to take a single victory lap, they
were being warned not to get drunk with power. I disagree. All you
Democrats do a shot and then do another. Get drunk on this feeling of
not backing down and doing what you came to Washington to do. [applause]
Do not listen to the people who are now saying that nothing else big
should be attempted for a while because health care was so rough.
Wrong. Because I learned something watching the lying bullies of the
right lose this one. When they’re losing, they squeal like a pig. They
kept saying things like, the bill was being "shoved down our throats."
Or the Democrats were "ramming it through." The bill was so big they "couldn't take it all at once." [laughter]
And you know what? I realized listening to this rhetoric that it reminded me of something.
It reminded me of Tiger Woods' text messages to his mistress that were
made public last week, where he said, and I quote: "I want to treat you
rough, throw you around, spank and slap you and make you sore. I want
to hold you down and choke you while I f*** that ass that I own. Then
I'm going to tell you to shut the f*** up while I slap your face and
pull your hair for making noise." Unquote. [laughter]
And this, I believe, perfectly represents the attitude the Democrats should now
have in their dealings with the Republican Party. [applause]
Yes, it does. That's what they should be saying to the Republicans: "Shut
the f*** up while I slap your face for making noise! Now pass the
cap-and-trade law, you stupid b*tch, and repeat after me, ‘global
warming is real.’" [applause]
The Democrats need to push the rest of their agenda while their boot is on the neck of the greedy, poisonous old reptile. Who cares if cap-and-trade bill isn't popular,
neither was health care. Your poll numbers may have descended a bit,
but so did your testicles.
So don't stop. We need to regulate the banks, we need to overhaul immigration, we need to end corporate welfare including at the Pentagon, we need to bring troops home from
everywhere, we need to end the drug war, and we need to put terrorists
and other human rights violators on trial in civilian courts --
starting with Dick Cheney. [applause]
Democrats, in conclusion, Democrats in America were put on earth to do one thing: Drag the ignorant hillbilly half of this country into the next century, which in
their case is the 19th. And by passing health care, the Democrats saved
their brand.
A few months ago, Sarah Palin mockingly asked them: "How's that ‘hopey-changey’ thing working for you?" Great, actually, thanks for asking. And how's that whole ‘Hooked on Phonics’ thing working out for you? [laughter]
