Christmas Memories: “Christmas Story” & the Leg Lamp

“Christmas Story” remains one of my favorite Christmas movies because of the how well it holds up to multiple viewings. My children tease me because I watch the film with the captions “turned on” to discover amazing line after line.

Old Man Parker: In the heat of battle my father wove a tapestry of obscenities that as far as we know is still hanging in space over Lake Michigan.

One of the most famous scenes in the film is the arrival of the “major award”: the leg lamp.

[Mr. Parker reads a side of the box with the prize that he won]
Mr. Parker: Fra-gee-lay. That must be Italian.
Mrs. Parker: Uh, I think that says FRAGILE, dear.
Mr. Parker: Oh, yeah.

This is a list of my favorite quotes from “A Christmas Story”

* Only one thing in the world could’ve dragged me away from the soft glow of electric sex gleaming in the window.
* Only I didn’t say “Fudge.” I said THE word, the big one, the queen-mother of dirty words, the “F-dash-dash-dash” word!
* We plunged into the cornucopia quivering with desire and the ecstasy of unbridled avarice. (as Randy dives into the presents)
* Over the years I got to be quite a connoisseur of soap. My personal preference was for Lux, but I found Palmolive had a nice, piquant after-dinner flavor – heady, but with just a touch of mellow smoothness. Life Buoy, on the other hand…
* Grover Dill! Farkus’s crummy little toadie. Mean! Rotten! His lips curled over his green teeth.
* Scut Farkus! What a rotten name! We were trapped. There he stood, between us and the alley. Scut Farkus staring out at us with his yellow eyes. He had yellow eyes! So, help me, God! Yellow eyes!
* Schwartz created a slight breach of etiquette by skipping the triple dare and going right for the throat!
* All right, I’ll get that kid to eat. Where’s my screw driver and my plumber’s helper? I’ll open up his mouth and I’ll shove it in.
* The old man stood there, quivering with fury, stammering as he tried to come up with a real crusher. All he got out was…(Old Man) Naddafinga!!!
* I left Flick to certain annihilation. But BB gun mania knows no loyalty.
* Strange. Even something as momentous as the Scut Farkus affair, which it came to be known, was pushed out of my mind as I struggled to come up with a way out of the impenetrable BB gun web, in which my mother had me trapped.

Fantastic!

Read more at: http://deskofbrian.com/2010/12/christmas-memories-christmas-story-the-leg-lamp/

Christmas Memories Pt 3: The Triangle

Sometime around first grade we all begin our careers as guinea pigs for the elementary school Christmas concert and/or play. "Up on the Housetop" is the most vivid memory for me and my brief musical presentation with the triangle.

Yep, the triangle.

The kids and I always joke and enjoy the SNL sketch with Christopher Watkins. The "Don't Fear the Reaper" presentation as part of a VH1 Behind the Music spoof in which Will Ferrell bangs on the cowbell.

"I got a fever! And the only prescription.. is more cowbell!"

Only fitting since my minimal musical skills were captured on the triangle. I've reflected that I never had an affinity for playing in a band or playing an instrument. It all started (and ended with) first grade: no drum, no horn, not even the tambourine....nope, the triangle.

I was THAT kid.

Christmas plays were tragic enough, but to be subject to the not-so-subtle discrimination of the having to play the triangle...how did I survive?

Christmas Memories Pt 2: Santa's Helpers

Last week I started a series on my fond Christmas Memories (Blog here)

As a child I had memorized the Rankin Bass mythology and easily debated another first grader on how Kris Kringle chose December 25th to deliver presents in honor of Christ's birthday (see "Santa Claus is Coming to Town) or how Rudolph learned to fly.

Things changed quickly when I was eight-years-old.

In the early afternoon we visited Santa Claus in Greenwood, Indiana and then traveled south, towards home, and again visited Santa near Franklin. Immediately I questioned his ability and, more importantly, his willingness to be in two different places in such a short time.

I was then introduced to a new concept: Santa's helpers.

Somehow the malls and parents were in collusion with Santa to ensure that the massive demands of children were accurately and quickly reported back to the North Pole for processing.

No surprise to those who know me: I was skeptical.

Isn't it funny how we can remember those pivotal moments from our childhood? The loss of our innocence leaves marks in our memories that we never shed and this was one of those moments.








Pic: The world's largest Christmas tree display rises up the slopes of Monte Ingino outside of Gubbio, in Italy's Umbria region. Composed of about 500 lights connected by 40,000 feet of wire, the 'tree' is a modern marvel for an ancient city.