Read State of the Nation on DeskofBrian.com: http://deskofbrian.com/2009/11/parenting-war-fwb-friends-with-benefits/
FWB = "Friends with Benefits"
Remember the age old question if "sex kills a friendship"? Well, a recent study 1 revealed 60% of college students have been in a FWB relationship.
This isn't exactly "new" but rather, it's exploded and being condoned in the main stream. Dave, a co-worker, had confirmed the term I remember: "F*** Buddy"
A middle-aged woman at work refers to her "Boy Toy" on a regular basis, so it's not a private topic or gender specific.
In fact, CNN promoted "proper way to be" in FWB (Oct, 2008)2
The superficial nature of the language is so disturbing: "Maybe you're wildly attracted to a dude physically, but find him mentally or morally lacking -- like a tanning technician or a bounty hunter."
There's no denying in the age of Reality Shows and human exploitation that our society doesn't hold the relationship values of previous generations. But CNN suggests some helpful hints such as avoid pronouns like "us or we" as well as NEVER talk of "plans further into the future than an hour or two away" and defer meals to be passing and never a sit down affair (no pun intended).
CNN Guidelines: "Conversation: Questions any more probing than "what are you wearing?" and "when can we meet?" can get a little sticky. Your FWB doesn't want to hear about your crazy mom and you really don't want him to start yapping about his Ayn Rand fixation. Keep it light, keep it moving."
It's all about sex, so keep it superficial. There's no reflection on emotions, commitments, friendships or family -- it's all about the satisfaction of carnal instincts.
There are entire posts on "How I Met My F*** Buddy" (which sounds like the next sitcom on NBC), adds on Craigslist, an official FWB MySpace page,
An Independent Film by this name is circulating the Film Festivals promoting the storyline: (two friends) "...proposes the "perfect" solution: Friends (read: no messy relationship stuff)...with benefits (read: insanely messy sex stuff). "Perfect," that is...if the two hadn't always been secretly in love with one another So what DOES happen when two close friends decide to secretly blur the lines dividing friendship and relationship...and the rest of their tight knit group of friends finds out? The answer: complications arise. A LOT of complications. In fact, to quote their therapist, "It's brought down empires; imagine what it can do to a group of friends"
Complications aside, this is everywhere.
In fact, this is so common that this eZine article3 outlines "RULES" which sound like "When Harry Met Sally" and Seinfeld: no cuddling, no sleeping over, no leaving things behind, no date nights or quality time.
This is our world. The world full of casual sex, hedonism, abuse, and disease. We must face these difficult topics to prepare ourselves, and hopefully, be better prepared to assist the next generation -- our children.
1. http://www.livescience.com/culture/090402-friends-with-benefits.html
2. http://www.cnn.com/2008/LIVING/personal/10/09/tf.friends.with.benefits/
3. http://ezinearticles.com/?10-Rules-For-Being-Friends-With-Benefits&id=2397126
Some Stories:
http://media.www.ecollegetimes.com/media/storage/paper991/news/2007/10/25/MainStories/Friends.With.Benefits-3057320.shtml
Some Psychology:
http://psychcentral.com/blog/archives/2008/11/03/friends-with-benefits/
Other Parenting Wars columns:
Sept: Sims 3, commercials, Free Comic Books
Oct: Astro Boy - Lenin & Russian Imagery, Socialism is Now COOL
"Astro Boy" Follow-UP: From the Disney Entertainment film review on "Astro Boy"
"What Parents Should Know
Parents need to know that this animated robot superhero adventure based on the 1960s anime series Astro Boy is age-appropriate for elementary-schoolers. It has fairly sophisticated themes (grief, loss, and war), as well as plenty of cartoon action violence -- including the death of a child, the destruction of several robots, explosions, and robots armed with heavy artillery. But language is limited to mild insults like "idiot," and there's no product placement to worry about. A war-obsessed military man is presented as a humorously negative character; on the opposite end of the political spectrum is a trio of revolutionary robots who call each other "comrade" and have a poster of Lenin in their meeting place."
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